The Diet Noise

 

Leaving the Midwest

Since we last spoke, I got through the travel, went back to Ohio, forgot to take my progesterone until maybe Wednesday, took it once, and then haven't taken it again, yet, since returning to Arizona. 

Travel was fine. I don't take anything for my anxiety, I just get to deal with it au natural, so I did. I will NOT ever willingly take the first row seating on a plane again, though, because you can't keep your personal item under your seat, and there's no seat in front, so you're kind of screwed. A me without activities is a very restless me. 

Back to the story - it was a weird week. I haven't really had ANY symptoms at all from the tirzepatide, which kind of makes me wonder if it's working, at least like other people say it do. However, I do see some more mental changes. 

It wasn't a great "healthy" eating kind of week. Airport = snacks and a lot of junk. Going to a house that is being cleaned out means no cooking will be taking place, which means buying more "convenience" foods, including more snacks. A previous me would have obsessed over how much I was going to gain (bodily) by consuming said snacks. This me had no fucks to give, and also barely touched said snacks. 

There was sugar involved. I got and consumed a lot of Starschmucks iced coffee, and then Starschmucks coffee creamer. There were lots of carbs involved, as well. Pretzels, risotto, a bit of pretzel bread, macaroni and cheese, etc. but NOT at levels I formerly would have ingested. 

It was such a divergence from normal life. All routines vanished down the toidy, and a new me kind of emerged. There wasn't any planning, we just DID stuff, and I managed to keep my OCD hidden for the most part. It was the most active and productive I've been in a good while, and my brain needed it. I did not once get my laptop out of my bag. I mostly scrolled Instagram, or nothing. 

My back did not choose to cooperate - and I was in a great deal of pain and discomfort if I stood still for long periods of time, so I just modified and did lots of sitting and sorting, carrying things and moving things, etc. - I just could not stand still and converse with people. I had to sit down. I don't know why that happened, but it did and now that we're back home, it seems to be subsiding. 

Oh, and I last weighed myself Monday before we left for the airport, and did not step on a scale again until this morning. I am at 190.4. I really didn't know what to expect, and I didn't want to get my hopes up and have them dashed, nor did I degrade myself for the week's food choices, so today's weight was a nice surprise. I was down 1.4lbs. That works for me. 

I wasn't hungry but I also didn't turn down food. I ate at mealtimes, and did not snack betwixt. I didn't eat breakfast (unless that iced coffee counts). We typically ate some form of lunch and then some form of dinner and that was it, until yesterday's travel day. That O'Hare food was just not that great yesterday, nor was the "meal" on the plane - what they suggested was a smoothie bowl, some grapes, and some cheese - it was subpar, at best, and the smoothie bowl was mostly inedible and tasted more like plastic and refrigerators than it did fruit. Yuck. 

Yesterday, I did eat out of sheer boredom, but when we got home, I didn't eat again until dinner, when I just had my usual yogurt bowl. 

I guess what I have observed is that I have much more focus (at least I did in Ohio), and could go and go and go and not think once about food. I also smoked way less, just by way of being busy. Not sure how that will pan out here, being back home, because that was a mission that had to be completed, and home is home, where the only thing that MUST be done is my job stuff. Everything else is flexible and not on a deadline. I suppose that's the dangerous part. 

I just appreciate and enjoy not always obsessing. I enjoy the NOT giving of fucks. I enjoy being able to just be, with zero pressure from my cranium cells. If the diet noise can continue being quiet, I think I have a real "shot" at making this work. 

I will do a full update on Wednesday, just in time for shot #5, still on the 2.5mg dose. I'm going to give it another month and see where we're at before I agree to any increase. 

Until then, have a good weekend, etc. 😁